My friend Ads is a photographer & a blimmin good one at that! So when I needed photos for this blog of mine, it was Ads’s brilliance behind the lens that I called upon.
What I should have also called upon was a cosmic order to sort my face out. Although my face and I are falling out more often as the years grab it & slap it, for the most part, its a well-behaved mush. That is however, until a camera threatens to shoot it. Enter Elvis..
This weird lip curl / snarl thing stretches my lips, one eyebrow disappears into my hairline and my ‘come to bed’ eyes get translated into ‘come ‘ere, I is a gonna stab ya’. Attempts to sort this out usually result in a permanent ‘need to sneeze’ face…at best.
Ads naively agreed to photograph me one breezy day in May. He met me at Costa Coffee for a brew and briefing. “Ok dude, listen up. My face goes fugly on film so I need you to snap a thousand shots and hopefully we will get 10 useable, Photoshop’able pics that I can use”. Ads burst out laughing but stopped as soon as he clocked my serious ‘Don’t think I’m F’in joking’ expression.
“Er, Ok, No probs. So where shall we go?”. I blink, he blinks, crickets chirp. “What sort of theme are you going for?”…tumble weeds roll past, more crickets. Silence. “What do you want these pictures to look like Lynz? Come on, You must have some ideas?” he asked exasperated already. “Yes, I do” I excitedly piped up and stabbed at the Pinterest icon on my IPhone. He scrolled through my online vision board of pics showing celebrities, actresses and fellow bloggers with a look I hoped to achieve for my ownb website. Non-cheesy, Non-grinning, sophisticated, intelligent, Mum but not Mumsy and lots of hair. Ads’s face made an involuntary Elvis expression of his own.
At the beach, I was freezing despite a big, cuddly jumper. “Ok Lynz, give me a demure face”. Was he shitting me? “Er, Ok, Maybe try thinking of being in love”. What the hell does that look like? “Now, give your best ‘serious’ face”. I obliged but apparently it is not too dissimilar to my ‘I need Ex-Lax’ face. “Ok, think of your fella” Snap, Snap…Ohh that worked! “Think of your kids” Snap, Snap, Snap..Yaaayyy. “Now, think of someone that you cant stand….Whoah, Less venom Lynz, you are scaring me!” hehe…
The day passed quickly. I grinned at the beach, blew out imaginary candles at the bowling centre and pouted at my kitchen table; such glamorous locations. As the time passed, so did the tension in my cheeks and neck, my teeth eventually unclenched and my shoulders detached themselves from my earlobes. The more we laughed, the more the pictures improved.
Ads was patient and managed to keep his sense of humour, so too did his wife Sam when she later viewed the days offerings. Some of the more pained, hysterical looking photos Ads has kindly kept from my view till this day, but Sam assures me they are pee-yer-pants hilarious. Cheers Hun.
The final pics chosen are now proudly displayed on my blog’s banner above. It was a fun day and I am pleased with the, as predicted, ten useable pics. I strongly suspect that Ads will be sticking to animals and landscapes from now on though.
For more information on Ads, please visit AdamJohnsonPhotography