Adults bullying is a lot more discreet than the days of the school playground when you would hear the kids chanting “Fight, Fight” and you would look around excitedly to see which direction the kids were heading for ringside seats; only to discover that they were heading for you! Nope typical female tactics include rumour spreading (I once managed to be a man eating, pregnant lesbian all within 3 months) back stabbing (of course I am your dearest friend, but I am also bad mouthing you to your husband in the hopes he will leave you) cold shoulder (Lyndsey Who?), humiliation (I should have been more specific about how much of my eyebrow I wanted waxing off apparently) and classic kick you in the crotch snide comments (“I did not know you could read Lynz, I thought you were just a hairdresser”).
They say that children can be cruel but I believe that a clique of women can be far crueler, after all children have no concept of the lasting damage their taunts can do. I am sure that everyone has come up against ‘a coven’ before now and probably still have much witchery to endure yet, but how you handle it is far more important than what they are screeching.
Seven years ago I was on the London audition circuit. Casting calls for pop singers, dance promos, TV ads ect. I am sure you can imagine what the atmosphere was like when you have between 50 & 100 girls in a room who are all pitted against each other for the prize of potential fame (although in my case, fame is a horrifying concept but that is another issue). When I would enter the waiting rooms, at first I would get upset by the filthy looks and the ‘we are making it obvious we are saying nasty things about you’ digs, but I soon thought it through. Those girls did not know me, never met me before so therefore they cannot be dissing my personality so it must be how I look. If they are saying that I look naff or my clothes look crap and so on then it says far more about them than me. They are shallow, judgemental bullies who are most likely that way because they are so insecure and like to ensure that people are occupied sneering at others so that nobody has time to look at them. On the other hand of course they could be sneering out of jealousy cos I looked good which made me stronger competition in a looks based industry, therefore making them insecure. Basically bullies are just insecure so pity them, when they show themselves to be worthy of any other emotion from you thengive them a second thought.
On one occasion when I was in my teens I got on a different school bus to visit a friend. A particularly nasty mouthed piece of work sat on the back seat and encouraged all most everyone on the bus to chant something unprintable relating to the fact that I lived on a council estate; an estate housing people who showed a lot more class and likeability than that bus load of bullies ever did. I had a few options open to me.
1. Cry and hope they would stop – not a chance, showing weakness would make me an easier victim in their eyes.
2. Jump up & down screaming “I am not, stop being mean to me” – only encourage them further.
3. Bide my time & fix the ringleader one on one – hhmm menacing, I went for this option and it worked.
Bullies are the biggest cowards of all. They need their cronies to back them up as on their own they are too scared to say or do anything that may get them thumped. So whether you are on a school bus or in the work place, don’t think about what bullies are saying, since when has the opinion of an insecure coward ever taken precedence over intelligence? Their opinion is none of your business because it has been hatched in a very narrow mind. I am sure you do not share that opinion or credit non-bullies with so little perception as to believe in vicious people. You know who is truly the strongest and by showing yourself, and all around you, that your judgement of yourself speaks louder to your heart and head, then people will quickly see bullies for what they are and that the most deserving person of respect is you!