I Am A Gatherer of Gadgets!

I lust after them in PC World, I covet them in Currys.  I get them home….and in under an hour I hate the bloody things so much that I want to smash them against the wall! Damn things never work!

My husband laughs at me infuriatingly each time I bring home another ‘Demic’, a term my family use frequently to describe our purchases that appear fine in-store but mystifyingly arrive home dented, damaged or defective.  It is inexplicable why this is so but all family members on my side seem to have been hit with the ‘Demic’ curse.

Last week I decided to give Bid Up TV an opportunity to entice me with bargains.  My friend Mel is forever filing her abode with flashy merchandise bought from the shopping channels and I soon found myself addicted too. Last week’s bargain was an M.P.4 player.  A miniature piece of equipment that will play up to 1000 downloaded songs or over 8 hours worth of downloaded video clips.  The other features I did not hear over the din of my brain shouting “I HAVE TO HAVE IT”.  My little boogie box arrived one week later and I ripped it from it’s postage confines whilst racing upstairs to my computer.  It was only then that it occurred to me me that I did not have the foggiest how to download anything!

In less that 15 minutes my PC had its name extended to Pure Crap.  My children had ordered me to the naughty step and Hubby had walked to the off-license rather than risk retrieving his car keys from my pocket.  As he returned home he was met by me at the front door spitting venom; I could tell he was nervous.  “I am going to my brother’s house so he can fix this M.Poo.4 player” I roared as I slammed the car door shut and screeched off down the street.  I probably would have gone a bit faster had I remembered to take the handbrake off!

I arrived at my Bro’s house not in the slightest bit calmer, flung the offending gadget across the table and spewed forth enough expletives as to turn the air into a fog of F-words.  As I sat slumped on the sofa, arms crossed and eyes like laserbeams, he gave me an idiots guide breakdown on how to download.  Two hours later I returned home grinning and singing loudly along with my tunes.

Today saw the arrival of my new mobile phone upgrade; A Blackberry 8300.  I thought my previous Blackberry was the dog’s danglies, even though my parents thought it was a calculator.  I called them Philistines for not understanding or appreciating this marvelous gadget, conveniently forgetting that I could not work the thing for three weeks and as yet had never sent an email on it.  My new Blackberry has a camera and a rollerball thingie – groovy.  Tried to go through the set-up wizard…..I hate the bloody thing! F’in Demic device don’t F’in work; Ragghh!!!

I detest all the set-up malarkey!  I just want to turn the thing on and have it work for cryin out loud.  At this moment my upgrade is festering in a cupboard along with my digital voice recorder, camera, printing doc and a variety of other ‘must have’ gizmos which I have yet to master.

I try to blame my impatience with these items on family traits, being female, being blonde but one day perhaps I will have to admit that I am just being lazy.  One day I will remove the instruction manuals from the cellophane and learn how to use them.  One day.

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